These Phrases from My Parent Which Saved Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider failure to open up among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."